"I had a rough time in high school and this coach seemed understanding and held a spot for me. Within my first year playing under Erickson I experienced A LOT. First within months of arriving of arriving on campus I was asked to meet with the coaches and captains of the team right before a lift and practice on a weekday. I had previously asked Erickson to let me know at least a general idea of what meetings are about because I have high anxiety and will have panic attacks all day if I am too stressed. I begged her to let me know even just whether it was over something good or bad because as far as I had known there had not been anything I was doing that negatively impacted the team or program. I had a meeting with the team captains at the time after a couple weeks on campus due to me being honest to people not in the team about how the program was and the lack of communication between the players and the Senior captains due to one of the captains sorority not wanting the house to be accused of “dirty rushing”. Which essentially left the freshman class to the hands of the not very welcoming juniors and sophomores of the team. The second meeting came about out of the blue and I was told the meeting would involve both coaches (Head coach and Graduate Assistant) as well as both of the captains, so I figured it was pretty serious. Walking into the meeting my nerves were already through the roof, but upon entering Ericksons office I was met with another person added to the meeting, a freshman who had not even played that year due to an injury, Erickson stated that this individual was “speaking as a representative of the team”. I found it odd because in all my years of lacrosse that has always been the role of the team captains, but brushed it off knowing the extra individual already did not like me too much. I was met with a story of how all the girls on the team had gotten together and made a list on this freshman’s phone of all the things I was supposedly saying about them including stuff about people I considered my friends. To keep it short, about halfway though the freshman reading off the list from her phone, Erickson, the Graduate Coach, and the team captains begin looking at each other frustrated then all four rip into me about these things I was supposedly saying about them. I was finally given a chance to speak for myself after about 30 minutes of this and upon beginning my explanation I was cut off and told by the coaches and captains that they should’ve investigated more into the list instead of just taking one athletes word as a fact. I then received a wave of apologies from the coaches and captains which sent me into a full panic, locking myself in the bathroom because I did not know who to trust at that point. One of the captains came downstairs to check on me and Erickson said it would be better for me to not go to practice that day and we had already missed the team lift, but ensured me that nobody on the team would know about that situation, only for all of them to know about it by the end of the day. I never felt welcomed or like the team wanted me there after that day, but I played on for another year after that. I was told by our team Athletic Trainer that Erickson was pushing him to clear me from a concussion as quickly as possible despite me being unable to see for two hours post hit. Due to Ericksons incessant hounding of the athletic trainer this resulted in me being cleared without peripheral vision on the side where the severe concussion occurred, my first ever concussion which occurred during a practice. Later on in the season while playing a game without substitutes the opposing team was playing relatively rough and using illegal contact which resulted in my 10th rib on my back to be broken and misplaced. The same AT as before told me to not get it checked because I would “be in a lot more pain” or “keeled over” if it was “actually broken” and was more than likely just cartilage but I went and got an xray anyways despite both Erickson and AT telling me it would be a “waste of money and time” only to discover my rib was completely broken and misplaced and the cracking and popping I was feeling was the rib getting caught over and over. I was still asked to finish out season which I did in a padded shirt and a lot of pain knowing I was risking having to get surgery if the bone was displaced any more. In my second year under this coach I experienced a year I would not wish on anyone. I lost a friend in the fall and this coach told me I was unable to fly home for his funeral because he was “asking for it” by being on parole. Roughly a month later my mom is hospitalized while I was visiting home and I had to fly back out to the college only to quickly turn around again after a week or so due to my mom having emergency surgery, Erickson was upset about me going home but understood the situation as she had lost her father earlier that year. That semester I also lost a dog to cancer, then spring rolled around. As season began I was struggling with the stress of the fall semester but looking forward to playing the sport I love again, it has been my favorite thing to do since kindergarten. Roughly halfway through the season I discovered my best friend and estranged grandmother had passed in the same week. I was told I would only really be allowed to go to one of the funerals due to the team being in season. As usual the team was short on numbers at this point in the season due to a large amount of injuries or players leaving, so I was told that I could go home for my best friends funeral since I knew the date of that one, but ONLY IF I made it to the game in Kansas City the next day against a team that normally blows us out of the water. I was short on money that semester due to everything from the fall and was using a school fund for students in crisis to get my plane ticket to my home across the country, so I was at the will of the school basically. I agreed mainly for that reason, but knew I was going to be in no shape to play a game the day after seeing a 19 year old who was basically my little brother in a casket. I played anyways and was even asked by a teammate why I was crying and then when I answered I was told that I should not be crying because someone else on the team did not even get to go to their grandmas funeral in the fall… I told the coaches about that incident and was informed that individual was just “having a tough time” and “didn’t mean it” with no change in behavior from the individual themselves. I found out shortly after that incident that my mom was planning to move across the country from the home I had known for the past 9 years, so after not making playoffs I left college 3 weeks early with an online course and a hope to spend some time with my friends before I moved. Shortly after moving I was informed of another friend that passed away, so I ultimately decided I would take a step back from the lacrosse program and take a year to focus on myself and being a better teammate and overall person. Over that year Erickson was constantly asking for meetings, chasing me down on campus just to wave and say “Hi”, and even asked if I would meet with some of the girls to rekindle with them after I had upset them by my actions in the end of the year before, even after I had informed Erickson I do not have much memory of that time and was simply trying to keep myself alive. I was open and willing to do that, until I found out the only reason was because she was trying to get me back on the team midway through the year. I did not feel as though that was fair to the girls who had been working all summer, fall, and winter for the spring season, so I said we should reevaluate at the end of the season. I did a few sessions of commentary for home games and spoke very kindly about every player, even those who I historically did not get along with. After the full school year of asking me when and if I am coming back Erickson told me all she needed to figure out was the scholarship and she would get back to me within a few days. I asked about the summer workout packet only to be met with a phone call that was delayed another day to tell me I was “not a good fit for where the program is headed”. No further explanation only the offer of a “Great recommendation letter, should [I] choose to transfer”. I will admit I was not a great student but I am not an awful person either and did not deserve this to be my college experience, so even if this helps one prospective player in their decision, it is worth it. "