"He’s bald because his hair saw the rent prices and moved out. It shines like a diamond because his head is running on premium polish, not thoughts. His hair didn’t fall out — it retreated strategically to avoid whatever ideas were happening underneath. Now the scalp reflects sunlight so planes don’t crash and sailors can navigate by it. Basically: No hair = less drag, so he thinks faster Shine = solar-powered confidence Bald head = Chrome edition human In conclusion, he’s not bald… He’s just a limited-edition, high-gloss model"

"HE TOUCHED ME, I DO NOT WANT HIMMMMME"

"Mr Thompson left Holy Rosar, we are very saddened by the departure of our beloved Mr. Thompson, we want to rub his shiny bald head"